Is It OK To Cry Here?

By FoxM Ember

We met at a dance club. I’d just ended my first of several (I’m not proud to say) “bad” SL relationships. She was waiting for someone, and was kind enough to allow me to sit near her and listened to me, when I needed to talk........................................

Continued in the RFL section

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This is just like RL (2)

(This is the second half of a piece comparing similarities between life in SL and in RL.)

Why do couples go down the drain in Second Life? Why? And sometimes, why so quickly? As strange as it may sound, my answer will be to tell you guys that there isn't that much difference between a relationship here than in real life.

I took a lot of time to examine my own partnership, the way I behave here, and the way other people do. It leads me to leave that although some users may "role play" - thus be exceptions - our human nature ends up showing around here.

Someone who cherishes individual independence will be extremely annoyed by someone who is needy or controlling. Two strong minds may clash after their "honeymoon" time. A guy's lack of tact when talking about other women can make his partner feek uncomfortable. The list of grievances can go on for long, but you get the point. Those are very human traits and the only difference between what we see here and our RL relationships is that there are computers and Internet access between us.

I think that the chief reason why many partnerships end up failing is stalemate. After some great times together, partners neglect each other. If they are involved in business, they spend all their time together working. If they don't meet often because of their separate activities, it isn't any better. Can you see the big picture there?

In short, just as it is in RL, not having "quality time" is what breaks the union. When couples meet, they go out, explore, dance, sit down, talk and have fun. They can do some work and spend time away from each other, but there is some form of balance. They want to enjoy themselves. Once routine breaks the pattern and makes quality time disappear, some cracks start showing up in the relationship.

This may leave you wondering if the whole thing is worth it. Just as RL partnerships are, yes. But this sometimes mean that you have to "work" on your couple if you want it to succeed. Going to dance in a club or exploring a cool sim, just like in the "old days", or just hanging out wherever you feel comfy, is the solution to get the "magic" back. If you don't want it, it may mean crossroads.

Hey, who said that virtual worlds were that different? They are just like RL.

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This is just like RL (1)

Observations in the last few months leave me to believe that there is much more to SL relationships that even we, people involved, could ever believe.

I saw some interesting situations that lead to such thought. Imagine when, this morning, I was told by a girl I know that she had the time of her life with her partner. However, he intends to leave this world, probably to focus on real life. Even though her words were measured, there was sadness.

More than a year ago, I remember watching a close friend hurting because her new partner was discussing at length about other women he kept meeting on the grid, just as it can happen in the flesh. It didn't seem to be taken lightly.

I even saw a few people leaving Second Life because, in the end, their virtual relationships with the other gender was ruining their real love life. Just when I thought that these people were pulling off something I thought impossible, their "other" partner brought them back to Earth.

We may only be avatars on computers, but the people that signed up are real. What they do together, what they tell each other, what they have in common can come in different form. However, it is not less real.

One of the problems that SL couples meet is routine and boredom, which are as lethal to a relationship that they are in RL. They also are lethal for the SL existence of a person. But that's a topic I will cover in a few days, in a separate column.

I bet Mitch Kapor, who was chairman of the board of Linden Lab when he made harsh comments during the SL5B closing keynote, had a clear idea of why people react the way they do to virtual relationships.

Remember this quote from him: "So the first is, in the earliest wave of pioneers in any new disruptive platform, the marginal and the dispossessed are over represented, not the sole constituents by any means but people who feel they don't fit, who have nothing left to lose or who were impelled by some kind of dream, who may be outsiders to whatever mainstream they are coming from, all come and arrive early in disproportionate numbers."

It must be because the dispossessed are over represented.

I am saying this with tongue firmly in cheek, folks ;-)

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An Interview with Sex Columnist Josephina Bonetto

Josephina Bonetto knows good sex and I; Dashwood Dayafter am a fan. I stumbled across the column of In-World writer Josephina Bonetto recently and between nodding in agreement with what she had to say, found myself wanting to know more. Read our Red Light section for a taste of the Second Sex and the City.

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